Saturday 18 November 1944, pp.315-317
A.D. I do the exercise very slowly, and it is extremely tiring for me. I sense my grandmother, Mr Gurdjieff’s mother, and Mr Gurdjieff as connected together, and when I come back to myself, I sense that it is impossible that this should stop.
Gurdjieff: That is right.
S.R. The result of this exercise has been a different sort of concentrating, and I find that, during the day, since I have been doing it, that in applying myself, to allow the force go out only through my hands. Can I do anything to welcome this state, to try and make it serve me, or not?
Gurdjieff: Are you tired once you have completed this exercise?
S.R. No, not specially.
Gurdjieff: I (have) a suspicion that you are not doing it rightly, that what you are doing is bad; you keep this force within you instead of giving it out. You should do this exercise with someone yet nearer. If you do it thus, this state will disappear in the day, for it is due to that wrong way of doing the exercise.
We are going to add something. First I would like to know how you represent God to yourselves. What does that mean for you?
L.L. I address myself to Christ, for it seems to me that through Him I am closest to God. (315)
A.D. When I was a child, I represented God to myself as an old man that I prayed to, to help me wipe away my sins. (315-316). Now I no longer see Him like that, but as a force of which I now nothing and with which I have nothing to do. It is a force which I do not understand.
Mme R. I do not pray specially to Christ. God, for me, are the higher forces which I ask to help me in my work.
(Mr Gurdjieff speaks about the Kyrie Eleison) [What he said is not in the transcript.]
Mme R. Since the exercise of nourishing “I,” I have thought of this “Lord have mercy upon me.” But it is difficult to say “me,” and not “us.” It does not seem to me right.
Gurdjieff: For your work, for a true work, you must work with the true God, and not with fantastic ideas and representations. God is omnipresent. God is everywhere, that is why if one concentrates on a (single) point, while thinking “God is here,” He will be there more for us.
God consists in three forces. These three forces created all the world. Force plus – force minus – force of equilibrium. Hoy Affirmation – Holy Denying – Holy Reconciling. God the Father – God the Son – God the Holy Spirit. The Son is born of the Father, returns to the Father, and their relation is the Holy Spirit.
“Lord have mercy upon me.” When you pronounce the word “Lord,” represent to yourselves, then, a point where the three forces converge. Ask them to help you, have the sensation that you draw force from this point where the three forces converge.
Do this at the same time as the exercise for your near (i.e. and departed) one. Continue it the same way, but place a part of your attention on this prayer.
“Kyrie Eleison” is not exactly “have mercy,” (316) but “succour me, give me help.” You can say it in whichever words you like. (317)
End of meeting