This closes the exchanges from supper on Sunday 6 April 1986. First, Jackie said that she had a relief and also a certain joy when she came today.
“Because you were coming to certain conditions which did not contain undesirable elements?”
“Yes, endless chatter and so on,” she replied.
“I must remember that most of that is in me. I reckon that normal life has it, but it is in me.”
But as the day went on, Jackie said, the pure joy with which she had come began to be tainted with what she called her personality’s liking of being responsible for the kitchen.
“Yes, when you arrived you weren’t engaged. You had this blissful moment, but then comes the engagement. And then my ordinary functioning returns, and I find once more all the complications which exist in ordinary life. So that will bring me back to my ordinary point of view, but then perhaps I can have another second, of a different character, in the next moment. Were you going towards a question?”
After a little pause, in which I can hear nothing on the tape, Mr Adie said: “You spoke of your personality liking being in charge. If you are referring to a suspicion of self-approval, it is probably there to a certain extent. It is of some real interest to see to what extent. I bear all that potentiality of conceit, all the possibilities of ordinary life are there. In a flash they can start to manifest. So I need to be not exactly suspicious but very alert, and to see how much self-approval or essence-satisfaction, which is not the same thing at all, is present.”
Jackie then added this: “I’ve been coming at least seven years, and at first I hated coming to weekend work, then I began to accept it, and now I find a joy when I do come, and I am coming willingly.”
“Keep your experience in a clean place,” said Mr Adie, “and remember that it took place. It is a special reality. If I could remember when I am not so willing, and not only remember but also feel that, it would give me an enormous possibility.”
“I actually receive something, and so it’s I am willing to be here. It only lasts a little while. It just takes one person to say something which I do not like, and it disappears. But if I can feel once more something of what you felt today, I may find that it has not gone very far. I can have its influence again, and with it the influence of the moment.”
The next question was from Christine. She said that he had tried to do the exercise. She saw the speed of her hand, and that was different from the speed she felt inside. It was an illustration of what Mr Adie had said in the morning about the relation between centres. She took moving stops during the walk, saying “At that stop I will take a moving stop”, and saw that she had to relax, take in what was around her, and plunge. “At one moment,” she concluded, “I had the impression that what fell away was thought. And the longer the walk went, the more my head cleared, and I took in more impressions. I got more content with what was actually there, and that made a big difference to the amount of force I had.”
Mr Adie replied: “All the force had been flowing out, as it does, but then you had a little bit for yourself. Every circumstance is different. So, in a way, you could say I never know exactly how to do it. But I have the wish, I have a recollection of when it took place, one instance, two instances, however many, and it takes place. It is unique. It is never exactly as it was. Everything in the universe has changed in a minute, and so here is another unique moment which has an influence. And here’s another and if I can have another moment approximating to that, I begin to get a continuity.”
“Well I would say that that was a very practical experience. That is what I would call practical. Then, for the future, it will change, and the nature of the effort must change, because difficulties will arise. Suddenly there is a knock, or the material you’re working on is of poor quality, and there’s a changed circumstance.”
“Our life means, at any moment, that I am called. And thank God I am in the universe. I am called, and so – what am I called for? What is necessary for me? What am I to be about? I must be concerned with myself, my state. Once I have some consciousness of my state in my totality, I can began to have some concern for an external obligation. But always at that vital second, the question shall be, what is necessary for me?”
“Surely, if I receive a gift, I have to receive it knowing it and acknowledging it. This is a being experience. If I do not acknowledge it, well, I don’t receive very much do I then? No. One of the great things is the acknowledgement. That is what I point out so often in this great picture of Leonardo da Vinci of the Annunciation, where the angel comes, the message, and it is received. See, received? And this is flowing out again as fulfilment. I receive in order to fulfil.”
“The movements have such influence. This one which is being done at the moment: “Prayer”. All these different postures. Each one unique. This posture, what does it mean? It all means something.”
“I found, all weekend, the exercise very difficult,” said Cindy.
“It is difficult.”
Cindy said that she had been carding wool when she had an odd experience, but cannot explain it.
“Then it is better not to attempt,” said Mr Adie, “perhaps you couldn’t explain it without distorting it. But something new was there in your experience. That is why you can’t find any words. If you want to think about it, take some time, and take the time carefully paying attention to your state, not allowing your thought to stray. You want to remember what happened in the right way, and to understand it. But you do not wish to stray. It is an effort you can make right now. You cannot decide how to think. Thought thinks. It’s all in the experience. Be quietly poised, try that way, and then maybe you will understand.”
When someone criticised her work, Cindy added, she could feel her resistance.
“There is resistance,” said Mr Adie. “But what will win? The thing about that, particularly: what kind of action do you need in order to resolve that which will cheat you of your presence?”
The final observation before the tape runs out was from Gerard. It was very well put, so I am keeping his words (I am not Gerard, by the way): “The exercise, for me, was a little bit different to yesterday. My experience was of more of an effort to take a place I cannot define.”
“I make an effort to be present. I do not know to what, but I make some effort. Is that correct?” asked Mr Adie.
“Yes, it was very quick, and there were moments when I was actually there, I was alive, I knew where I was, and what I was about. I knew that the possibility was due to the exercise which had been given, and to everyone being here, and everything which is here, combined with an absolute amazement of this taking place, and there was a sense of hope that it might be able to take place away from here.”
“You have an objective fact,” responded Mr Adie, “so it can take place everywhere. It is a being-fact. Your being is arranged in relation to the outside in a certain way which is producing this experience. Each second is unique. What is possible now is possible.”
“Many things are surprising. One astonishing thing is the degree of absolute certainty which I experience in this very short flash of reality. It has an absolute certainty about it. Everything is clear.”
“In the ordinary way I am a blind man, but when this happens, I see. I really am a blind man. I wander around with my negative thoughts and my identification. I am quite blind to all the higher influences.”
And with that the tape ran out. I was quite impressed by what he said about Leonardo’s “Annunciation” and the triad gift (grace), receipt (acknowledgement), and flowing back (fulfilment).
Joseph Azize, 14 April 2018