Of course, to be able to feel my “solidity”, I have to have some “solidity”, it is there, at least as a seed, but the seed needs favourable conditions and the sun of intention to sprout. This continues from the meeting with Mr George Adie of 17 November 1988, and he made this point in his answer to Rick, who had said that something in him promotes himself as better than others, especially at work.
“Is the job new to you?” Mr Adie asked: “A new job is always a good ground for the Work. Is the boss kind, or dominating, or what? This is another circumstance you can use. The more simple you can be, the less considering, the better for him too. How to make something of it? That is your situation, and at the moment as we are pondering this, you are relatively free of considering. So here is this special condition. It is vital to know that is a special condition, and also what it is, because otherwise I may squander the opportunity.”
“Try and be by yourself when you are alone. It is paradoxical, but there are times when you are alone in your room, no one else is there, and yet I am not aware that I am by myself, and there is no need to have things crowding in on you. You know what to do to collect your attention, to exercise some power of control over your thought – not to let it go delving into corners. Try and arrive at a position where you may notice odd thoughts, but don’t worry about them.”
“So then you are in a position which is more or less free. I say “more or less”, because any association can come and carry you away, so this condition may not last for so long. But in that state, that relatively quiet state, then look at this self-promotion. Take examples of it, and see what they mean. Try and feel your own solidity. Otherwise, what happens? A wave comes over me and I disappear.”
“When you are aware that you are by yourself, try and feel your own freedom, and then try and have that available as a memory when you need it. Before you get up and leave your room, try and remember yourself with that memory, and do so for yourself. You see, you want it for you. Not for your appearance, just for you. That has all past, and now I have a possibility to be a little freer. Obviously you won’t go and do silly things. It takes a long time before one really sees that my own effort is necessary. I’ve been talking about this and that. But now I make a being-effort.”
The next question from Ketty, who was having problems with her son, but doesn’t know how to discipline him.
“Try and keep it simple,” said Mr Adie. “The problems take many different forms, and they can’t all be described so easily, so take one example.”
In the example Ketty gave, one of her son’s friends came over. She had asked him not to make any “scientific experiments” in the kitchen, and he makes a mess.
“How long do you leave him for?”
Ketty explains that she didn’t really leave him, she had been on the premises.
“But how long do you leave him for?”
Again, Ketty did not specify a time, just saying that she saw him “intermittently”.
“Well, maybe you know where you think he is. But it does sound a strain on a child of ten, telling him not to make a mess, and not to make experiments. It may not be so very reasonable. Then what happens to you, what did you find in yourself?”
Mr Adie had asked about her state. She replied by referring to her son’s activities: he had made his experiments with candles and things, and there was wax on the floor.
“Was it a bad mess?”
“No, it wasn’t a bad mess.”
“And what did you do?”
“I told him he couldn’t have a friend visit unless I was there to supervise the whole time.”
“And is that what happens now?”
“No, he had a friend around the other day. I tend to react in those situations.”
“Do you shriek? Do you throw plates? What?”
“I generally raise my voice. I yell at him. But I don’t like that situation, which is why it is a dilemma for me.”
“Do you think that you’re giving enough thought for the child: to what is and isn’t reasonable? I mean, you could tell him: “Come and help me clean the mess up,” without yelling at him. Is it an ordinary table, or a rather priceless one?
“There’s nothing priceless about it.”
“Have you ever thought of setting him up on the table? Get some paper, put it down, maybe even a drop sheet on the floor, and when you come back, say: “Come on now!” It’s a chance to get together with him rather than standing over him. He will get fed up. He is only ten. He will imagine that he can both do his experiments and not make a mess. Now if you have shown him how to keep the kitchen clean, and when you come back there is some mess, not a bad one, as you said, then you have an opportunity for something pleasant. I should try and deal with it that way, if I were you, then you wouldn’t get into these tantrums. You will get nowhere with that. What does he do? Does he cry and yell back?”
“In that instance he wasn’t particularly worried about the situation.”
“Might that mean that he’s learning to write you off? Then you have to change tack. The world is filled with these manuals: “If the child does this then you do that. If he puts his left hand forward then you turn around on the spot.”
“If you’re having trouble with him like this, then you’re helping to make a bad situation. It is bad for you and bad for him, because you are losing control of yourself. Try and use the situation the other way around. How can a little wax on the floor be more important than your relationship with your son? This is part of his education. The whole of All and Everything is written about the education of a child. It should help you very much. A boy of ten years old? What life they have in them!”
Joseph Azize, 2 August 2018