Mrs Adie on Struggle and Aim (Thursday 4 March 1982, final)

This is the last excerpt from the meeting of Thursday 4 March 1982.

Margaret, sounding rather depressed, said: “Mrs Adie, I feel I have going in me an aim, although I can’t put words on it, but I don’t have a feeling of my line of work. I don’t know if I’m lying to myself, I just don’t feel I have a line of work. Not in the same way that I feel I have an aim. I don’t know what I need most now, I see how mechanical I am, and I can’t seem to do anything. I really want to be sure what I’m working on is what I need most. It’s as though I want to start again.”


It would not be so good if you were satisfied with what you do,” Mrs Adie replied. “The examples you have given are good ones and I’m sure there are many other things that are right. But I expect too much if I expect to see a big result and at once from that. I don’t realise that no effort is ever wasted. It’s been said many times, and many of us have confirmed that in our experience. No effort is ever wasted if it’s a real effort. Something happens, something takes place as a result, something is acquired, a force or whatever it may be. And you know, I get the impression that I’m not moving, but I expect to move much too fast. But if you look back, four years in the work, could you say that you have moved?”

A little … yes.”

 “It’s important for everyone to look and ask the same question. We expect a quick result for our penny. (laughter) Spend sixpence. I have to start from the beginning: it is always a new beginning. Margaret says she needs to start from the beginning, that’s quite right. I’m propitious, we’re starting from the beginning.”

I find that I underestimate the immensity of my sleep. Sometimes even all the resistance seems to pass away, but, looking through my life, I see that it is letting me sleep. And today I had a shock when I realised just how completely unreasonable I am in sleep. That’s something that doesn’t really come home to me, I think because, when I’m thinking about the work usually I’m somewhere nearer to a better state.”

After a moment, Mrs Adie replied: “I would think of it not so much as a struggling with, or a going against. It is much better to think of it as being freed from. It’s a more accurate formulation. You’re not so much struggling against these things, you’re trying to disentangle yourself from them. Your own thoughts are trying to free from this thing which pulls me into. It’s like a magnet, it pulls me out, so I need to have a magnet here.”

Mrs Adie, what you say is very true, but it appears to me that somethings really need to be struggled with, for example my inertia, often I find myself really feeling inert …”

 “If it’s a struggle, it’s going on too long,” she replied. “I’ve got to get out of it straight away. If I think about it at all, I can’t get out of it. I can’t trust myself to think about it. I have to make that effort. I mean, I can dream about my inertia and still I am doing nothing. The moment I feel it there’s something, I can activate myself.”

Mervyn countered: It’s almost as if I am physically low. Low or sick.”

If I am low, my thought can bring something to me. That doesn’t mean producing another formulation. Do you know what it means to be active in the head without thinking? It is instant, without words. I think we have to stop now. Everybody has got some sort of line. We have spoken about the fresh beginning, everyone knows what they need to confront let’s put it that way, something which is a habit of yours which takes your energy, which distracts you. Maybe it has a negative tinge to it, or inertia, as was just described. Many, many things; you know some of them, something which is my own particular enemy. I put particular attention on that in as methodical and practical way as I can. That in itself requires an effort, even to activate my mind to the extent of understanding the situation and realising what I need, and why. Why I need it. It’s very necessary to understand, where I have my aim: where does this lie as I travel in the direction of my aim? If I want to go to Paris, I have to find out the route, to buy a ticket, I have to take certain steps. So, you try to understand what your aim is and it varies a little from time to time. The formulation will always help me address the same question: what is standing in my way? How do I get to the first sign post, first lamp post? Try to come to some coherence about that. I’m sure everyone needs a fresher appreciation of their situation now, a fresh start, but you have to find it because each of you is in a unique position.”

One comment

  1. Thank you Mr Azize for releasing these transcripts of meetings with Mrs Adie. Her direct clarity has nothing hidden yet it needs to be seen. It is a breath of fresh air.

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