Recognising Freedom (Saturday 15 November 1986, Pt III)

This continues the earlier reports from this Weekend Work. The first person, Alberic, was not unknown to speak at great length and keep adding to his contribution, no matter what the Adies said. On this occasion, Mr Adie interrupted him soon after he started so that he (Alberic) did not miss the significance of his own experience, burying it in a rambling report.

Alberic:   I found that there was a lot of difference between the various moments when I was not fully identified. Earlier in the morning, these moments were quite clear and sometimes gave an impression of freedom and of the –

Mr Adie:   But do you realise what’s happened there? Something has come into me which recognises freedom. There’s been a little chink and something of my being has come in for a moment, not obscured equally with the fog and hubbub and rumble about the wall or the rubbish that’s going on. And it realises something. Yes, that’s a different quality of life.

I am not there yet, but my being state has changed a bit because my initial state was free from all this. I was free from all this. It’s all been heaped onto me by everything that’s happened. The education of the rising generations, Mr. Gurdjieff would say, and all my obedience to that. And now, after this massive preparation that I’ve had, I’m trying to get underneath that, trying to pierce the fog and get into something which can recognise freedom.

When you say there are very different moments, in a little while, maybe you try and think back, what on earth did you mean by that? That being state has gone, and it doesn’t seem tangible. You can’t quite know what you meant, at the moment when you were not too far away from it. You’re able to bring it and say, a very different state just for a short time.

So the knocks and the pricks and the awkwardness’s are just my need. I need that more than anything, but it just jolts. And with that jolt, something inner might begin to manifest. When my false personality has all it wants, I’m asleep, and then something happens and I’m very negative, which is how I live.

Camilla:   I’ve tried to be calm this morning, and it seems, in sort of retrospect, it seems like things came up in me and then I’d notice and try to come closer to some sort of reality of calmness. And so, it just went on all morning. And then at the end of the morning, the kitchen was running very late and everybody was in movement to get things organised. And it just sort of suddenly became very clear, that I knew that this was the moment of danger, and the alarm bell sort of went on in me and I knew how I would have been without control. I knew how I had been in previous occasions. And I just stopped still for just a flash, and just took it all in. It seemed that there were all these sort of threads of movements and activities by the others. Just this physical stop.

Mr Adie:   Often, there has to be a physical stop, otherwise, the momentum of moving centre carries me along with it. It does not need to be so very long: three conscious breaths usually suffices.

Camilla:   It just seemed everything stood still and became clear. And from then on, it wasn’t difficult anymore to be. Wasn’t difficult to try and be calm in that instant.

Mr Adie:   What’s very difficult is to make that physical stop. That’s what’s so very difficult. I notice with my head, and I think, now I’m a stop, but I don’t make that stop. And this is a whole thing. I have to do something, but it is an inner doing, but as a result of that inner doing, I may see that I need to physically stop. Often, nothing is going to make me actually stop my talking, my movement, my preoccupied actions, unless there’s an inner instruction. So, the tiniest thing is vital. I never realised that what I was asked was just this small order.

Camilla:   Yes. What strikes me about it, and what I don’t understand, really, is that it seems so extraordinary in this flash that I’m referring to. It seems so very important not to go over that point into frantic activity.

Mr Adie:   This is what I was saying to Alberic a second ago. In this state, I realise it’s absolutely vital. It’s very important. How can it be that someone’s rude to me, and ten minutes later I can’t remember what was important? Nothing is important except this state. Nothing has any importance. I’m caught. But I must have a sense of seriousness as well as of the importance. I begin to see what I have to have combined. I want to have seriousness; I want to have a certain intelligence. And I want to be able to feel the importance and see what’s connected with it.

That will help me to remember. I can’t suddenly remember in the blank, serious exactly. It’s vital that I do so. At this moment, that is obviously vital. So what is connected with that understanding? So that helps me to be more there. I build that up fractional second. That’s the work. That’s the work at a moment that I can do. That’s the work of de-identification.

Camilla:   I felt that it would be bad for the kitchen as a whole if I let –

Mr Adie:   Yes. Another sign is that I have a certain degree of regard for something outside that is important outside as well. Not only this inner, but that outer. Both. I always find if I have something here, I have it over there too, in the form of a different relationship with the outside world or with other people. This gift came from somewhere. I realise that this is vital, and that it’s also connected with what’s going on. So, there’s a different relationship.  I’m in the same place, but the relationship has changed.

I’m now related to something desirable and that needs and even could receive something. It’s very, very difficult to come in ordinary language to the possible experience of the moment. And I have to try, the more aspects I can realise at a second, the more power I have, the more reality there is.

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