This is from the meeting of Tuesday 23 November 1982. I started transcribing it a few weeks ago, then had to stop. In the interim, it seems, something which this person had said, sparked some ideas in me, but I had not seen the connection between her question and my thoughts. On returning to it today, it all became apparent. Even though what she mentioned was not central to the exchange, it was important to her, and to me. It was this, that a certain sympathy between ourselves and the teacher is necessary. I hope to write something on this in the near future. But for now, here is the exchange with Mrs Adie. Of course, the questioner’s remarks, which did ramble a little, have been edited.
“Mrs Adie,” said Angie, “I came to see Mr Adie on Saturday last week, and since that time, in the area of our relationship, I’ve been able to have a very different feeling, in fact, I’ve been able to have a positive feeling, quite persistently.” She mentioned that she had a certain difficulty with her husband, and that Mr Adie had said to them that he would hold them in mind. A few days later, Mr Adie phoned and said that he had held them in mind, but that he was going to stop that. She concluded with: “Both of us felt that we had been benefitting from his efforts, and then to know that that wasn’t going to continue, so intensively, helped me to continue.”
“But nothing goes by itself,” observed Mrs Adie.
“I realise that what happened on that Saturday was that a whole battery of roles in me were attacked, self-pity and things like that, and I saw in myself a buffer which believes that I am being very good to myself, but in fact I am deluding myself with excuses”.
“Can you put this in a way that everyone can understand?” Mrs Adie asked.
“My husband is away so much, I become demanding of the time he has left, and believe that I have certain rights, and I could not be a smiling pleasant person to be with when I am being treated so badly. But since Mr Adie’s help, that has stopped, but the negative emotions have shifted to another area, and I am not willing to get out of bed to do the preparation.”
“Are you not interpreting things? The thoughts which go through your head are a very odd collection. You can’t always believe those. But now, what is the centre of gravity? What is the question?”
“How can I make efforts by myself, without relying upon Mr Adie?”
“You have to see that something in you makes excuses, and having seen it, you have to question it. These thoughts occurring in your head are not to be trusted at all. Thoughts go on by themselves, triggered off by old impressions. They enlarge and expand. You have to examine them. Not to argue with them, that is useless. You will find yourself in an absolute labyrinth if you try to argue with them.”
Angie then interrupted: “But what about when I get up in the morning? I am already thinking about things”.
“Don’t listen to your head when you get up in the morning. Before you go to bed at night, remind yourself that you will not believe anything that is in your head when you get up in the morning. It brings, for you, a heavy sort of feeling. Don’t believe it. You have to see it for what it is, while it is going. You can’t just stop it, but if your concern is for your state, then it will change, and eventually it will stop, because you are present.”
“The words will go on, then go away, and then come back again, but you will see them for what they are more readily. You won’t trust them so easily. Be very careful with yourself in the morning. It’s a very dangerous time. Nearly always. For very many people, anyway. But the rest of my day depends upon my state in the morning, how I deal with myself at that particular time. And it is quite different for different people. I think that for you it would be a very good idea to get up and pay attention to washing yourself and dressing. Just don’t let the dreams go on.”
“It’s a very good idea to watch moving centre,” continued Mrs Adie, and I think it is worthwhile drawing attention to this excellent advice.
“You know that what is going on in your head is not worth your attention, it’s all dreams and excuses. When I wake up I have very little control, but if I have prepared the night before, something will be possible. There is a connection ready for me. I don’t have to put the connection in place while I am in that dreamy state, all I have to do is recall it, and I am there, with that connection.”
Angie then made some comments which, really, were a sort of mumble from which I could not get anything intelligible. It is surprising how we wasted our opportunities with the Adies. What was going on? Was something in us resisting? But Mrs Adie was able to bring her back to the issues.
“Now be very careful of the demands I make on people around me. I am always demanding. I cannot make demands on people. But if people make demands on me then I need to have a different attitude towards that. I don’t complain, to myself, I mean. I try to look at it with a certain light of reason. What I can do, I do. What I can’t, I can’t. But all these little voices that complain about it are very lowering, and completely useless. Very harmful.”
“If we don’t make demands on other people,” Mrs Adie added, “our relationships can be more conscious. And they will be smoother, too.”
“Our work is caring for ourselves. But there is an “I” which takes that the wrong way. You have to watch out for that particular one. I have a very wily side of myself when it comes to reasons why I don’t work.”
“If there is nothing else, then we will stop.” And with that, the tape runs out.
Joseph Azize, 8 April 2017