Tuesday 4 April 1989
Ezekiel: Mr Adie, the main line of my work is trying to relax and awaken at work. I’m situated at a desk in a room with others. I’m fairly private and it’s quiet.
Mr Adie: Do you have an enclosure around you?
Ezekiel: Just partitions. I can see the others, it gives a sense of enclosure. I’m solving a problem of some sort on the computer terminal. I’ve been trying to come to myself on a regular basis and take a good posture, a straight back and sense my breathing and to try and maintain that as I do my job. A lot has come from that, and recently I began to sense something very beneficial could come from this, because it’s not likely to change for a year or two. So, in one sense, it could be terribly stultifying, the idea has begun to arise, it’s a really ideal condition to try and work and awaken life.
Mr Adie: Well, it’s a good situation. But you need to keep some sort of a record and vary the particular point of application. You can’t remember all day, with something like this; and not always in the same way; it’s bound to get stale. The result of any effort is always corresponding to material on the same level, and it’s never the same, but there’s something which seems to take the freshness out of it after a time. It’s very interesting: try and find out what that is. That means I’ve got to be better balanced. I must do my job, a reasonable amount of work corresponding to what might be expected of me. I have to do that, so I can’t be wrapped up in holy abstraction and do my job. So, there’s a coming and a going, a coming and a going.
You ought to keep a record. You could have a record there, but don’t let yourself get lured into writing in it all the time. Just use it as a sort of note. Impressions in conscious work go faster than ordinary ones. As long as my work is proceeding with enough attention then everything is available for myself. I take an interest in what I can get to fulfill this job. If I find my associative thought is interfering with me, a little bit more attention is needed. It has to be directed so that the job can be done.
But what is there for me? That question gives me back something. It’s my daily bread really. For example, this question of a posture. I see, look, and nearly always I find some adjustment is necessary – minute.
Even an awareness of a part requires a sort of an adjustment. I feel it responding in some kind of, infinitesimally small movement, the colour may go up or something. But you are working in quiet which is good. And if you have a problem that you can’t solve, how interesting that will be? You go into your fortunate chamber.
(to someone else) Is it unkind of me to wake you up? You were sleeping so peacefully.
Sarah: Yesterday I went to a sort of mother’s group for young children. I had the intention to see my considering, I saw that a lot of the time it was strong. I was very uncomfortable.
Mr Adie: What kind of discomfort though? I need to have an idea of what was the situation otherwise I can’t say anything useful. What kind of discomfort? Inner discomfort?
Sarah: Yes. Considering about what the other mothers would think of me.
Mr Adie: Why should they think anything of you?
Sarah: I don’t know. Even wondering who I should talk to, something sort of wanting to be accepted, and even being aware of that at the time, and I just trying to be free of it.
Mr Adie: You want to be content with your own observation. It doesn’t matter what they think about you, what do you think about you? If you are able to understand that at all, and accept to ponder the question with three centres, you’ll be more balanced, you’ll be more flexible, you’ll be more responsible, and you will see more. As long as you’re wrapped up in this deadly considering, you’re nothing at all, you must face that.
Well, that’s your line. All your impressions are going to be different, all your previous thoughts are going to be shown to be useless, in a way. Those people that you worry about don’t exist then, you don’t know what they’re like yet. When you begin to observe yourself, then you will have a slight impression that’s more right about the person. But feeling nervous about a person who may not even know you’re there, what can you tell about that person? Nothing.
So, if you do understand enough to make this kind of effort, not to go out of yourself and be enslaved, you begin to see that they are different from what you previously thought. You’re right on the work, it’s essential for you to do just what you’re doing. Therefore I can speak quite differently and think categorically about what I need. You need to retain your intention, you’ve gone to a mothers’ meeting to discuss something, and you need to contribute. So you go to be one of the mothers to discuss whatever it is mothers are going to discuss, with this main purpose – from your own point of view. So, there are two things, the obligation is you have got to go to the meeting, and yourself – there. Nothing else is of any importance. And not to be worried.
Sarah: It was the first time I’ve seen that kind of considering, and it left me with a feeling of something mad about it.
Mr Adie: Yes, it is. It’s dodging arrows that aren’t there. There wasn’t anything there, I was just: “What was that person thinking about me?” So you’re quite right it is. But life for me is like that when I’m not present: it’s all accident, dreams. It’s good, continue.