This continues the meeting of Wednesday 9 November 1983 with George Adie. Hilda said that she had over the last few days come to a feeling of gratitude.

“You have received something, it is evident,” said Mr Adie. “You cannot be grateful for nothing, so you have received something. Now, to continue and to be less proud will be a big effort. This is where you have to bring “I”. This is where you have to allow “I” to come. It is the only thing which can be certain. What else could be certain? I have got nothing else. There is a problem, in that some of the other elements are quite sure of themselves. This makes it quite difficult to break out. There is a sureness in repetition, in automatism, and in inertia. But what I want is a certainty of life, a certainty of consciousness, for a second.”

“And then I need to trust, because I can’t keep that. I need to trust, and then another second can come. Begin to live, consciously. Hmm? And you see, my desire to be humble, or not to be proud, that does supply a second. And if somebody does not understand what I have just said, I am already gone again.”

“Everybody really needs to think of all sorts of aspects in their own way, and how they can use them. The vision, the angle of vision, how it affects me. The physical tension, how that affects me. The rate of my breathing, how that affects me. The speed of my movements. There is unlimited material for observation, yet we come like poverty-stricken people, with no clothes and no food. This is one little idea, and there’s all this material suitable for different circumstances.”

“And why don’t I feel grateful, all of a sudden? Something I have forgotten, because you said that you felt grateful. I have forgotten what I have received. What did I receive? I can remind myself if I try.”

The next question was from Mabel. She said that a salesman had come into her shop. She had disliked him, and reacted aggressively. This pattern of behaviour began when she was five. She remembers the praise she received for beating up some little boys. Her husband thought it was good that she could be aggressive. It appears never with a female but only with a male. The shock was such that she decided today to do some things that she had put off doing because she does not enjoy them, but also to have something for herself. This gave her a great deal: she was much simpler. I felt a need for presence, and for something else… “really straight in myself, a prop, and from that I seemed to gain some force.”

“What could be a prop?” asked Mr Adie. “I don’t think you could answer that quickly. But to find what could really strengthen me. What really is my need? Dare I face the word “aim”? The aim of my life? My being aim? Is it possible to face that word?”

“I wrote that word down last night, but I wasn’t facing it,” agreed Mabel.

“No, but I really need that, because otherwise the direction posts may be anywhere. It seems a very simply illustration but it is full of meaning. He would say you want to come here, and to do so you must first past this post, and then this one, otherwise you shall never arrive. And you have to have your work with the same aim to get here. So where is this part of me which has some life and some understanding? See what you had to go through, just to arrive at one genuine and unmistakeable impulse? Do I understand what I have said?”

After a silence, Mr Adie continued: “For me, the word “aim” can one of the most terrifying words. It is a very active word. Very active indeed. It has a demand at once. It doesn’t appeal to any of the ordinary “I”s at all. Being-aim. He talks about “being-duty”. Some of those big concepts have to be brought back. “Partkdolg-Duty”. It conjures up a different “I”. An “I” that can do, a conscious “I”, because who can have a duty but be unable to fulfil it? If I am unable to discriminate, it will all be nonsense to me. If I am a slave, what sort of aim or duty could I have? It is just being under the whip. It would be strange to say that a man who is tied, fettered and forced, discharges his duty, even if he works very hard. He has no choice.”

“But it is good to see how these qualities of toughness and aggression were put in you rather early, because otherwise I think of them as something rather good, and normal. But now I begin to see them in their true colours. They could give me an insight into other things I have been unable to understand.”

Incidentally, this is a point I remember him making: that it is good to see that the mechanical and negative traits we have were put into us early. It explains why they are there, and we understand that as they were artificially implanted, they can be dealt with – that is, they are not essential in us.

Then Viktor said that his feeling of himself during the day had been getting stronger.

“And how will this be directed?” Mr Adie asked: “You cannot receive that force for nothing. How is it going to be used? The receipt of feeling immediately implies a further obligation. How? What is that?”

There was no reply. “You receive something?”

“Yes.”

“What of it? What does it demand? In what direction? I had a toy gun with paper bullets. A toy gun. But now I find I have an instrument with some real bullets. What is the target to be?” After a pause, Mr Adie added: “It can’t be exactly answered here. How is it going to help me to work? Again, take this question.”

“Where are you? At any moment. Are you a participant in your own life? No? Then look to yourself. Not all your actions are beautiful. Use it to help you get your aim clear. Parts of me will foul up everything. But you are more near to awakening, so don’t let it go – and you’re not. You brought it. That is quite right.”

“Continue. Be very careful not to make it seem to your wife as if you are transformed. You can’t hide it. Any changes in you will be sensed. But the false part is still there, and if you make the mistake of forcing in your manifestations, of making apparent your inner state, it will join in. Your inner work is to be able to manifest more reasonably. But make it subtle. Don’t make it obvious. Let the work appear, and you – the false you –  not appear, and then you won’t lose the force. If you appear … then … I’m glad you understand.”

This last point is very significant: one of the things about Mr Adie was how natural he seemed. But this point that when we “beam” on people we lose force is important. Once it has been mentioned, we can all see how much we lose when we perform.

Joseph Azize, 24 February 2018